The grand Pinto...

Howdy campers,

So as I was showing some pictures of my recent journey to the vast open land of Wyoming and South Dakota to my parents and assorted other relatives, they chuckled as they saw me riding a horse for the first time. Most of the jokes were good-natured, making fun of the fact that the poor horse had to support the likes of me on its back, but since it was a white and brown speckled horse, I think my Dad made the comment, "that's the first time Mike has been on a pinto since we owned one."

At this very moment, I had this sinking feeling... he didn't mean the pinto as the horse, but rather as the dreaded Ford Pinto that my parents used to own when my sister and I were little.

For those of you under the age of 30 or who has parents who didn't take the approach of buying the biggest lemon that any car manufacturer ever made (the Chevy Vega is a close second), the Ford Pinto was the new "family" car of the 1970's that was marketed as a cheaper and gas-friendlier version of the station wagon. After I was born and my sister was on the way, my parents decided that it was time to get rid of their '66 Belair which they called the "green ghost" (no idea besides the fact that it was green) and instead get the Ford Pinto. The Pinto came in colors that were either Turd Brown, Pea Green, or Rust Beige. Of course, we got the Turd Brown one.

I will find an actual picture of the Pinto my parents owned, rust stains and all, but this is approximately what it looked like:

My memories of the Pinto included:

-- My parents decided to not get a radio for the car. To this day, I have no idea why. Knowing my dad, it was probably to save money. Plus, he had a cassette recorder and since we had a tape deck at home, he figured he could tape the radio and then play it. Or, he could tape some of the albums and play those as well. I wish I was making this up but one of the memories I have of the Pinto is sitting in those crazy beige bucket seats with this single speaker cassette player between my sister (who was around 2 yet not in a baby seat-- why bother since if anyone hit the Pinto it would blow up anyway) and I and we just stared at the tape going round. The good part about the cassette recorder is that we also had a blank cassette or two and the players also had a record feature, which my sister and I would then use to make fart noises and other fart-type sounds. The tape selection also included Paul McCartney's "Ram", which is a great album but hard to listen to if not in the back seat of a car, several Beatles albums, and what I think was Linda Rondstadt's greatest hits. I believe that was it. This paragraph alone-- since it it absolutely truly factual-- should then answer a lot of questions why I am as whacked as I am today.
-- My parents also decided that air conditioning was not an option. Not a big deal, since not a lot of '70s cars had this, but I forgot to mention that:
-- My parents also decided that this "family car" for their 2 kids was also a TWO DOOR car. So much for opening the window and letting some air circulate to the back.

I also remember that:

-- The directionals were large green triangles on the dashboard and were so loud, the sounds of them would be incorporated into the Beatles/Wings/Rondstadt music playing.
-- Our friends made fun of us being in a Pinto since it was apparently known as the car "that blows up if you hit it". I think it was the movie "Top Secret" that later would feature an army tank barely dinging the end of a Pinto and then showing both cars going up in flames.
-- My college roommate Kent had a Pinto in college which I think was dark blue and I think I was more amazed that they made Pintos in blue then the fact that it was 1990 and there was still a usuable Ford Pinto on the road.

The Pinto was the first in a long line of lemons that my parents would buy. They also owned a Chevy Chevette and a Dodge Omni. It was after the purchase of the Omni that I made a promise to myself to never ask my parents' assistance to ever buy a car.

At the end of our road was a service station and my dad would later say that in all seriousness, the owner of the service station thanked my dad for putting his kids through college.

That's all for now... I'm going to gallop on back to work.
Mike