Random Rumblings... speaking of which...

It's amazing the crap that I come up with in-between a day filled of... well, let's just say that like comedy, telecom isn't pretty...

-- I would define "awkward" in Facebook terms as being added as a friend by an important business partner and taking 3-4 days deciding if you want to accept, going back and forth on accepting or not as you freak out that your stupid pictures from various parties that people have tagged of you will be exposed, but then deciding to just add them anyway and face the music. So you accept their invite and then when you look at their wall, all you see are various animals and vegetables from their extensive Farmtown or whatever that thing's called.

-- What an end to baseball's regular season. A playoff game, Detroit vs. Minnesota, extra innings and walk-off win. Hating the Yankees, I wanted to see the Twins win it since they probably the have the best chance to be least embarrassed (c'mon people, the Yankees have this series won as much as I hate to admit it) but was pulling for Detroit because that city has had a hell of a, well, fifty years.

-- I just bought a 50" HDTV and I immediately had buyer's remorse... not because of the price but because I now realize that the crap that's on TV will now be shown in my house in bigger picture and nicer quality.

-- I think one of the biggest bait-and-switch schemes of all time was the Atari version of Pac-Man. All of us over the age of 30 at one point went to an arcade and pumped quarters into Pac-Man. And it was AWESOME... little dots, multi-colored ghosts and even floating fruits. Then we all got Ataris, or know someone who had one, and instead of pumping quarters into the arcade, out comes the Atari Pac-Man. So we begged our parents to fork over the $50 for the cartridge and we would take it home and rip it open and turn it on... and it looked NOTHING like the game... eating the pellets sounded like the word "thong" and the color scheme was this hideous light blue and even the fruit looked like asteroids. Yet it was fun. I bet no one went back to the store to return it. Brilliant... then again, where is Atari now?

-- Speaking of which, I have to go on the record to say that I never "flipped" an Atari arcade game. That was one of the things in school that made you instantly cool. "Hey did you hear about Doug? He flipped Defender...scored 2 million points." And then you would go to Doug and he'd bashfully acknowledge it and say "yeah it was easy" but would never reveal how they did it or they would speak in "Atari tongues" which was basically like "well you have to go all the way under the thing on the right and then hold down the button and then go down to the bottom through that little exit thing and go back and forth up and down and then the thing will, um, flip and you'd get a free guys and points and stuff." And you somehow understood yet had no idea what he was talking about, probably because he was full of shit. But Doug would go through school being known as the "kid who flipped Defender". Well that, and the guy who got promoted to assistant fry cook later in life.

-- I'm full of segues today (which is better than what I'm usually full of): If I were developing video games-- and you all should be happy that I do not do this if you've ever seen me try and play one-- I would develop a game called "Sports Fan". The premise is simple: you are a sports fan and you have to do things you think are basic but are actually quite hard. The easy levels would include walking down stairs without tripping, ordering a beer and popcorn at a minor league ball game and being to pay for them within 4 seconds AND lift the beer and popcorn and walk away without spilling either, and progress up to the hardest level which is buying two beers and a bag of obligatory peanuts at Fenway park in the top of the 7th inning, finding the shortest line, paying for them and then walking back to you seat balancing both beers and somehow that bag of peanuts under your armpit, up 42 rows of steps, ducking in and out of thousands of inebriated fans and little kids who seem to navigate in "stealth" mode, and not spill your beer AND not drop the bag of peanuts. Oh, and you'd lose points on every second of the game you miss. Laugh all you want but I think I'm onto something here.

-- You can all argue this but a sure sign that you are getting older is when you realize that when you leave someone (non-business) a message, you say that you "got the machine" or "left a message on their answering machine" rather than "voicemail". It used to be when you referred to CD's as "albums" but the Ipod pretty much killed that.

-- My plan to make millions is to develop the perfect salsa jar/container/bowl that doesn't leave your knuckles covered in salsa as you attempt to scoop salsa out halfway. Sure, you can dump it in a bowl, but why couldn't it just come that way?

-- One of the worst parts about NESN are the ridiculous commercials that they replay over and over. In my opinion the 3 worst ones are (in no order): the Olympia sports one with the loser that looks like every single guy who wants to pick a fight with you at a bar driving a cab; the Sullivan Tire commercial with (presumably) Mr. Sullivan in his white-hair mullet and thick accent trying to concentrate intently on his lines while petting a child and feeding a dog; and anything by Bob's Furniture. Bob's has always been the worst of the bunch since not only does he look like an enormous pain in the ass just by his appearance and voice alone but now he's added his blonde "Bobbette" who nods and mirrors everything Bob says in a whinier, female voice. The sexual tension is non-existent since it's clear Bobbette ain't rolling around on the Bob-O-Pedic anytime soon but the enthusiasm that they have by sitting on their ass in a barker lounger while pulling down a hidden compartment that includes a cooler, drink tray, reading light, toaster oven, sewing machine and whatever else sort of crap they can build in their crappy furniture not only makes me inexplicably angry but really, really makes me want to have one.

-- A nice part about the Bruins coming back on NESN, however, is the return of Kathryn Tappen. I'm surprised that not only does she still sport her Carol Brady-like bob-and-weave hairdo but that the same guys who came up with those clever t-shirts outside of Fenway and the Garden hasn't made a "I'd Tappen That!" t-shirt yet.

-- Speaking of the Bruins, if I worked in their marketing department, I would advertise the Bruins on NESN as "Jon and Kate Plus 8? Oh yeah? Well Zdeno Chara plus 12!!" I would also allocate myself lots of free tickets and then promptly resign since that slogan would be the best I could do.

-- Who are these people who write online reviews about HDTVs? I made the mistake of reading various reviews on Cnet, Best Buy, etc., and after doing so, would hope that I would prove that I am so happy with my TV purchase that the last thing I would think of would be sitting at my computer and writing a two page report on how much I love my TV. ... ok, ok, I found them useful. But still.

-- The over/under on the number of food items in a refrigerator that any unmarried man living alone would have is 6. I will admit that after much ridicule by my girlfriend and the fact that she was winning mucho dinero betting the over on this bet, I ended up throwing away all items that had expired (after guilt set in of giving away the non-perishable expired food to the homeless). However, it seems that I missed the freezer items and parts of the cupboard so I just for kicked I ended up making a box of Matarain's "Dirty Rice" which was manufactured before Hurricane Katrina swept through New Orleans and added the frozen beef that had a sell-by date of-- I am not making this up-- July 7, 2006. And it was... pretty good. I'm sure I'll pay for it tomorrow morning, if you know what I mean, but perhaps it's just part of the whole food industry conspiracy.

-- And speaking of the food conspiracy theory, why is it that something artificial and processed costs more than something 100% natural or organic? If you look at the ingredients of the artificial stuff, there are chemicals and preservatives that just have to cost a lot of money to make. No need to answer this question or ponder it any longer since I really don't care, but just thought I would throw it out there.

-- And speaking of artificial flavors, I was trying to think of which artificial flavors actually taste better than the real thing. I figured the answer is... just about everything. I thought strawberry would have the highest appeal versus its a real strawberry but now I'm thinking blueberry. I separated orange skittles I ate not too long ago and while they tasted like tart St. Joseph's aspirins, I still preferred the taste over an orange.

-- And speaking of orange, I just read somewhere that no words rhyme with the word "orange" which leads me to wonder how that name. It almost wants me want to name my daughter, should I ever have one, "Florange". Then I can introduce her as having the same name as the only word that rhymes with "orange". Well, I can introduce her to the people I meet as I wait in-between her frequent and intense therapy appointments if I do that. HA

-- And speaking of therapy, I have to wonder where some of these thoughts come from, and on that note, I'll quit while I'm behind.

Mike