Easter, and a word from our sponsors...

Hi all,

Hey, remember back in February when I said that I felt more creative and that I'd be writing more and more like I used to?

Do you?

Yeah?

Well...

Anyway, I think I meant to say that I'd write when I felt like it, and honestly I hadn't felt like it all that much lately. I blame it on a variety of things but the single biggest reason is a condition called Dontwanttowriteitis. It comes and goes, much like your attention span to this point.

But I did feel like writing a little and so here I am, fingers at keyboard, with a thought that's been kicking around since last Sunday, which in the Christian faith is known as "Palm Sunday". Quite frankly I have no idea why it's called Palm Sunday nor do I really feel like looking it up, but Palm Sunday kicks off an ENTIRE week or so of various labeled days which ends with Easter Sunday, which happens to be tomorrow. Yesterday was Good Friday and the day before that was, for reasons still uncertain, "Holy Thursday", and while I'm no theologian I would bet that Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday had some sort of "Holy" attached to it.

But what about today? I mean, yesterday (Good Friday) was a huge day in the Christian religion as Jesus died for us, and Easter only trumps that because he rose from the dead which hasn't happened besides the 2004 Red Sox in the ALCS. So what's today?

Well since I'd rather have you read what I think rather than just google it yourself, read on and imagine the following...

What would Easter be like if the same media coverage/social media coverage were around at the time of Jesus' death?

Wait! Don't answer this yourself. For your convenience and amusement I decided to write this out for you. I mean, you're still here, so go with it.

....

(booming announcer voice): "And now live, from Israel, WWJD-TV presents the pre-game Easter show. Live from the summit, is our host, Moses."

Thank you and hello everyone, welcome to Easter 2012 in which appears to be probably the most incredible miracle by the Lord our savior. I'm Moses, and you may remember me from the whole Ten Commandments thingie and parting the sea, the burning bush, etc., etc., and joining me today on this Media Day of coverage I have one of the disciples which will join us in studio to talk about tomorrow's probable resurrection along with a surprise guest who was there during the sentencing. Also joining me is Mary Magdaeline who is live via remote from the gravesite and next to me in studio, for no reason at all, Mel Kiper Jr.

Mel: It's great to be here Moses and I'm excited to present my in-depth analysis of the various sinners and saints as well as the odds of tomorrow's miracle. Now I may be wrong but it's not a slam dunk about tomorrow, Moses. I think you could see nothing happen. My sources tell me that the tomb is extremely secure.

Moses: Well that's why we have you here, Mel, because if you DID predict something to happen, it most likely wouldn't. Well, for that reason and, of course, the hair.

Mel: Yeah the sand out here isn't doing my hair any favors.

Moses: Anyway, before we come to our first guest let's go down live to the gravesite to Mary Magdaline who has been standing vigil for the last day or so outside of the tomb.

Mary: Thank you Moses and as you might expect the crowd is filled with around an equal mix of followers and dissenters, and asking the crowd about what will happen tomorrow, it's pretty much split down the middle. But WWJD has exclusive rights to the area right outside of the tomb entrance and I will be here until later when it seems that every year I get curious enough to take a look inside and see what's going on. Tonight at midnight we will also be answering questions on our Facebook page and via Twitter. You just never do know, Moses.

Moses: Well after 2000 years I think we DO have an idea, but to join us now for some personal thoughts on this I want to welcome Simon Peter, one of his disciples, and also King Herod who was there when the masses decided to allow him to die. Gentlemen, thanks for joining us in studio today.

Simon Peter: Thanks, Moses.
Herod: I appreciate the invite, Moses.

Moses: First, to Simon Peter. Or is it Peter?
Simon Peter: Peter is fine, thanks. Never understood the two first names. But my twitter handle is #therealsimonpeter just to clarify.
Moses: Ok Peter, well you had dinner with Jesus earlier this week. Can you describe a little about His spirits and what His mood was and also what He said might happen tomorrow?
SP: Well the dinner itself was really uneventful from a food perspective-- I mean, fish, bread and wine yet again, I mean, c'mon-- but Jesus's mood was a little stranger than usual. He told us I'd betray him three times and I thought He was crazy, but wham, there I go. He nailed it yet again.
Moses: I see, and did he happen to mention what would happen over this weekend at all to you?
SP: Well the writing was on the wall and we weren't surprised when it actually happened but still, every year there's both a sadness but also an overwhelming sense of euphoria.
Moses: Now Herod, you were in charge when His fate was decided. Did you expect to have this sort of a black mark on your name all of these years?
KH: Well Moses, I'll be frank: I left it up to the people to decide. And they spoke, I let it happen, and well, here I am.
Moses: But you don't think you could have done more?
KH: You know, being called "King" isn't all that it's cracked up to be, you know? It happened, it's over, and we'll see what happens tomorrow.
Moses: I don't mean to interrupt but we do have breaking news coming from the tomb. Let's go back down to Mary Magdaline, live.
MM: Well Moses, I just went into the tomb and the body is indeed gone. The body is not here. No one saw anyone leave and the crew from the blimp above captured nothing whatsoever. It is truly a miracle.
Moses: And that's going to wrap up our Easter Pre-Day Special, sponsored by Morton's Seafood. Please come back and join us live tomorrow morning when we will be broadcasting live from the temple, besides in Greece when coverage will be broadcast a week later. Thanks for watching WWJD.

(announcer voice): This live coverage brought to you by Honeybaked Ham, for a true Easter dinner experience; by Gallo Wines, when you're looking for the perfect wine to be the blood of the everlasting covenant; and by Dunkin' Donuts, because everything has to be sponsored by Dunkin' Donuts in one way or another.

Re-entry back from space...

Howdy all!

Who am I, do you ask? Well I wouldn't be surprised if you were actually asking that question as you read this. And I wouldn't be surprised if you were also thinking, "is it 'who' or 'whom'"? Grammatical nuances aside, it is I, returning to the blogosphere after my departure away from writing and entrance into what had become the "twitterosphere" mixed with the "statusphere" with my thoughts either being limited to 140 characters or less or just short enough so 450 or so of my closest lurkers could read it and possibly click a "like" button to tell me that hey, that was worth the 30 seconds of my time to read it.

Instead I wanted to get back to my roots, whatever that means, and dish out mindless drivel about all sorts of subjects. I then wondered what subjects would be worthy of more than 30 seconds of people's time or more than 140 characters of text and then had a brilliant thought: the subjects should be about what *I* like. Note the two asterisks, squeezing me (or I) in that sentence. That means that the "I" should be stressed heavily, unlike the "I" in between the quotation marks which are basically just a few hands keeping the "I" floating in the sentence (there it goes again).

So what subjects do I like?

...

Hmm...

...

Well, there's...

...

Yeah, maybe instead...

...

Well I sort of thought about it and decided that I like to write about these subjects. So if you find one or any or all (heaven forbid!) interesting, then good for you. Your time will be well spent.

1. Sports.

I love sports. Love them. Love them to the point where at one point of my life I thought it was totally going to rule and at the same time ruin my life. As a Boston sports fan, ... well enough said. Those of you who are one know what I mean. Over the last 10 years, the Red Sox have turned into suffering losers to 2-time WS winnin', chicken and beer swillin', not-as-bad-losers, the Patriots have won three Super Bowls while losing two (sigh), the Bruins have come from an attitude where a pair of tickets constituted a "group sale" to a Stanley Cup winner and hottest ticket in town, and the Celtics... well the Celtics won it in 2008 and almost again two years later, but hey, anything's possible as they would say. And I love talking about, writing about, attending, listening, watching, hell even farting about sports. Fortunately, they don't rule my life nearly as much as they used to, so rather than reserving my own seat on the Tobin if they lost, now I just accept the loss as part of life, think about other, more important things, and make another stitch into my Derek Jeter/Peyton Manning/Eli Manning/Kobe Bryant hybrid voodoo doll.

2. Stuff.

Who doesn't love stuff!? Well I do. It could be about ridiculous observations of people, to politics, to life in general, to randomness, such as why people wave their cell phone in the air when they lose coverage like the signal is magically 2 feet above their heads, to why I pack extra underwear when I travel even though I haven't shit my pants in years. Everyone love stuff.

3. Everything else.

Really, I just needed more than 2 bullet points to illustrate the randomness of my point here.

So, I'll leave you with that for now and promise that I'll be writing more for your amusement/bemusement and sometimes it will be long-winded, sometime short-breezed, and sometimes you'll catch a whiff and just realize I'm farting about sports again.

Cheers to all,
Mike